A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step—or so they say! Well I started MY journey with TEN steps!

I'm sure you're surprised to hear that after 5+ years I'd leave my job as spokeseye for Dr. Karl's esteemed Lazik Hut—locally esteemed, that is—and head to "The Big Apple" (New York City). But that's exactly what I'm doing!

Goodbye, Dr. Karl!

I'm on my way to NYC (New York City, in New York) to rub elbows with advertising's biggest "icons" and to secure my own gig as an icon with a top-notch corporation. Or a company!

No, I won't be flown there "first class." I won't be whisked across the country in a white stretch Escalade and dumped on Madison Avenue's red carpet like those megapopular ad stars. Your Tony The Tigerses and whatnot. I'm not staying in 5-Star Hotels. I'm not having any holendaise sauce.

In fact, I'm making my way on foot. (On both feet actually!) Because that's how bad I want this. I can almost taste it. And to me it tastes better than holendaise!

Chronicling my journey from A to NYC. Check back frequently for updates.

***UPDATED 9-14-04***

ARE WE THERE YET? UM, NO!

On May 11, 2004 I left Dr. Karl’s Lazik Hut to follow my dream.

It’s important that you follow your dreams. As long as your dream doesn’t involve buring down the local public library.

Chasing your dreams is the only thing that separates us from those lazy chimpanzees. This is fact. And my dream is to hook up with a top-notch corporation in need of a spokesperson. I’m tired of being a plain old, small-town, small-time mascot! I want to be an icon! A top-shelf Advertising icon!

So sue me!

Above is a map of my journey. It’s all there so far, except for a small diversion I made for some foot ointment.

And here is a gallery I've been putting together along the way. I've been updating it daily and bi-dailyly.

Leaving wasn’t easy. Julius Shakespear definitely knew what he was talking about when he said, “parting is such sweet, sweet sorrow.”

But I must head to New York if I ever want to graduate from this B-list icon existence and up to the big dance where I can show off my stuff along side your Charlie Tunas, your Tony the Tigers, your Mrs. Butterworthses. And that leprechaun that can never get the cereal. (Keep trying! [see above—"follow your dreams."])

It won’t be long before my image is everywhere: on billboards, television, coupons—and radio! (also an advertising medium.)

***UPDATED 9-12-04***

PEOPLE CAN BE STRANGE

You'd be surprised how many people won't answer the question, "May I sleep in your garage tonight?"

Honestly, I think they're just not used to seeing someone in pink tights.

***UPDATED 9-10-04***

HAIKU

I really, really like Mr. Clean.

I carry a tattered picture of him around with me as a source of inspiration. Believe me when I tell you I've needed it on these long and lonely roads. Believe me...

On the back of the picture, I've written a haiku with a caligraphy pen:

Mr. Clean, you are.

A baldness, bright like God's teeth.

Lemon, muscle, chin.

***UPDATED 9-8-04***

WAKING UP IS HARD.

I'm not much of a morning person. I need me some caffeine.

***UPDATED 9-7-04***

NIKE MASCOT?

While passing a jogging track today, I began to wonder why Nike never made a mascot... Why?

I bet they would make a pretty cool one.

Something like Mr. Clean meets Steve Prefontaine. So it would be all strong and muscular and everything, but wouldn’t be some bald guy. Instead, he’d have long flowing brown hair and a nice mustache.

He would probably wear some kind of tracksuit too.

***UPDATED 9-6-04***

LEAVE THE EGGS ALONE

Why would someone want to slice a moist hard-boiled egg in half?

Especially when not slicing it in half is so much of a better option!!

The Round white outside being split open spilling its contents all over the counter or road...

The ruined imperfect forms lying there flat side up.

You know what it is? A hate crime.